


Finally Free

by Tamy_M



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV 2020)
Genre: Alex Mercer Has Bad Parents (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex Mercer has Good Friends, Alex Mercer has Panic Attacks, Alex is Depressed big time, Alex swears so fucking much I am not sorry, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, Everyone Is Alive, Happy Ending, I am sorry for the Bobby erasure in this tho, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, It is the 90s, Swearing, alex is an idiot (derogatory), i promise there is a happy ending lol, like holy shit this is a lot, luke and reggie are idiots (affectionate), so technically before they died but I cannot imagine the boys being younger than 17 here so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:08:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29884356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tamy_M/pseuds/Tamy_M
Summary: He thought about how long it took him to accept it. Not realize, no, Alex Mercer has always liked boys, there was not a single doubt in his mind. He’s always known. He just hated that part of himself for the majority of his life.Or, Alex comes out.
Relationships: Alex Mercer & Luke Patterson & Reggie Peters (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 31





	1. What If?

**Author's Note:**

> So, this was supposed to a cute one-shot where Luke and Reggie write Finally Free for Alex after he comes out to them because I was rewatching JATP (as one does) and noticed the song in Luke's journal and my brain went brrr.
> 
> And then I started writing it? And suddenly Alex was horribly depressed and everything was miserable?? So, uh, yeah.  
> I promise there is a happy, soft ending though because Luke and Reggie are good friends.
> 
> Warnings: panic attacks, strong language, implied homophobia, implied depression

To say that he was scared shitless would be an understatement.

To say that he was so terrified he felt like his heart would force its way out of his body right through his throat would be closer to the truth, though no analogy could accurately describe Alex’s feelings as he stood before his two bandmates. Alex scanned the room, eyes darting from Luke’s guitar in the corner of the studio, to his drum set, the extremely beat up dartboard on the far end wall, even his own shoes—anywhere but the two boys sat in front of him with worried expressions painted all over their faces. Subconsciously, he started fidgeting with the hem of his sweatshirt, rubbing the soft pink fabric between his shaking fingers. _Breathe_.

He breathed in, words forming in his mind. He opened his mouth to let them out, but nothing happened. He tried one more time, still nothing.

His eyes welled up with tears and he blinked them away angrily, letting out a frustrated groan. Why did it have to be so fucking difficult?

As he reached up to rub away at his eyes, trying to will the tears to go away, a quiet voice broke the silence in the room.

“Alex, if… if you’re not feeling up to it right now, we can just go play and you can tell us some other time.”

Alex couldn’t help but snort slightly at that. Luke Patterson has never sounded this gentle and under different circumstances, Alex might’ve started teasing him for going soft but not now. Not when Luke’s eyes were filled with genuine concern and it was clear he was using all his willpower not to just jump up and pull Alex into his arms since that’s how Luke Patterson comforted people who seemed upset.

And, well, Alex was upset.

He glanced over at Reggie too, the dark-haired boy mirroring Luke’s expression though Alex could see there was more to it under the surface. Reggie wasn’t just worried, he was scared. When Alex joined them in the studio earlier and announced he needed to talk to them in a very serious tone, Reggie instantly deflated and curled in on himself like he did every time someone mentioned his parents or raised their voice even slightly.

Alex felt like an asshole. In fact, Alex felt pathetic. All he needed to get out were three words. Three simple fucking words and it would be all be over. Three words and his friends could stop worrying. Three words and his friends might abandon him.

Either way, it would be over.

He breathed out shakily, ducking his head to avoid the concerned looks. No words came out.

He knew Luke and Reggie would never abandon him. He doubted the two could even moderately dislike him. They were best friends, brothers, family. In fact, a part of Alex thought they already knew, somehow. But there was another part hidden away in the darkest corner of his mind that wouldn’t let him believe any of that and made him doubt. _What if_?

“N-no... no, sorry,” he finally mumbled, clearing his throat when he realized how hoarse he sounded. “I need to tell you now, it’s just… it’s hard.”

Hesitantly, he lifted his gaze to look at the boys again. They both offered him small, supportive smiles—though Alex could see that Reggie’s was far from genuine—and waited patiently.

For hyperactive teenage boys, they knew how to be patient when the situation called for it. Alex loved that about them. He loved _them_ , he needed them.

_What if?_

He thought about how long it took him to accept it. Not realize, no, Alex Mercer has always liked boys, there was not a single doubt in his mind. He’s always known. He just hated that part of himself for the majority of his life. Wrong, bad, disgusting—that’s what he’d hear in church every Sunday. That’s what his father would repeat whenever they’d see two guys holding hands on the street, whenever Queen would come on the radio. That’s what he’d hear in school most days. Sometimes directed at him, sometimes not, but Alex heard it every time. He heard every slur, every bad joke, he remembered every shove, every punch, whether they were directed at him or not. He saw, he heard, he felt.

Wrong, bad, disgusting.

 _Don’t look, don’t touch, don’t feel_.

Wrong. Bad. Disgusting.

And then Luke Patterson started appearing in his classes and always sat himself right next to Alex with the dumbest of grins permanently plastered on his face. The same grin he gave the new kid, Reggie Peters, when he walked in on his first day and had no other choice but to sit in the row beside Luke and Alex.

Suddenly, Alex couldn’t hear the slurs and the shoves because the noise was drowned out by Luke laughing at whatever nonsense Reggie just let out of his mouth. It was drowned out by Reggie singing one of his silly country songs and Luke playing the guitar to accompany him as they ate lunch together. Alex could no longer hear the jokes and names because Luke was yelling in his ear about some new band he discovered while Reggie laughed softly in the background.

The world fell away piece by piece and all that was left was their little bubble. Their own little world where Alex could laugh and play his drums and just _be_. Their own little reality where Alex could grab Luke’s hand and would be rewarded with a hug instead of a punch to his stomach. Where Reggie would cuddle up to his side when he was upset and let Alex run his fingers through his hair until he calmed down. Their own little world filled with music where Alex could _look_ and _touch_ and _feel_.

_What if?_

He shook his head no. There was no way. _Breathe_.

He closed his eyes.

After what felt like an eternity, Alex finally managed to speak up.

“I, uh… I am gay.”

The room was quiet, and Alex did not feel brave enough to open his eyes. He couldn’t.

He couldn’t bear seeing the hatred in his friends’ eyes that was undoubtedly there.

_Wrong. Bad. Disgusting._

Memories were flooding his brain. Every bad joke, every shove, every slur, every punch was forcing its way back into his mind from where he tried to repress them, clear images flashing in front of his eyes.

He couldn’t breathe.

His lungs were crying for air, but his throat wouldn’t let any pass through. His chest felt heavy, his hands were shaking, he couldn’t _breathe_ , he—

He was in someone’s arms.

Alex’s eyes shot open with panic and a painful gasp escaped his lips in a desperate attempt to get some oxygen into his lungs. His head was spinning, his body was shaking, his legs felt weak and yet Alex didn’t find himself collapsing on the floor because someone was holding him up. Someone was hugging him. No, not just someone. Luke. Luke was hugging him, and he could feel Reggie taking one of his hands into his own and squeezing it gently.

“Alex, _breathe_.”

He latched onto that voice like it was a lifeline, forcing his raging mind to stop and _focus focus focus_ and finally drew in a sharp breath.

\---

They just stood there for a while. Alex had buried his face in Luke’s neck as he tried to steady his breathing, though he was no longer fighting the tears streaming down his face and soaking Luke’s shirt. Reggie was still holding his hand, squeezing it every so often in reassurance, but it didn’t take long before he also wrapped his free arm around Alex, drawing him close.

“You’re okay, Alex.”

“We love you, dude.”

Alex could scream.

They held him with such tenderness, like he was the most precious thing in the universe, and he felt safe in their arms, he felt _loved_.

When he finally tried to pull away, Luke tightened his grip around him for just a moment, like he didn’t want to let him go. He gave in eventually and resorted to just holding Alex’s hand like Reggie, whose eyes were red from crying.

They both squeezed his hands at the same time, and Alex couldn’t help but smile at that.

“Thanks, guys,” he hummed, looking up at two of them.

Reggie blushed and smiled at Alex, shrugging as if to say _of course_. Beside him, Luke broke out into that stupid idiot grin of his and Alex made a note to smack himself any time he felt like doubting these two idiots again.

_As if._


	2. Finally Free

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is much longer and much darker than the previous one. Same warnings apply, though Alex is definitely at his lowest and it's painful. 
> 
> Remember, there is always a happy ending.

Every so often, Alex had to remind himself that the happy little bubble he was living in with his two best friends was just that, and that the real world was a fucking miserable place.

A fairly ironic statement considering that following his coming out to Luke and Reggie, he has never felt better. Not much has changed in his life, his friends were still the only ones to know, and yet the world somehow felt brighter and living seemed easier.

If anything, the lack of change was precisely what Alex was hoping for. Even though he never truly believed his friends might leave him, he couldn’t help but worry that something might change between them. That Reggie would no longer feel comfortable cuddling up to him during movie night and Luke would stop greeting him with his signature hugs every morning.

Alex would never admit it of course, but if he had to go one day without one of Luke Patterson’s hugs, he would probably break into a million little pieces with no chance of being put back together.

Thankfully, the number of hugs Alex received in a day actually increased, and on the odd day, they would also be followed by a sloppy kiss to the cheek which were both awful and sweet at the same time.

Alex felt ten times lighter. The huge boulder he was carrying all his life lifted off his shoulders and Alex could finally breathe. He felt like he was floating, like he was _high_. (Not that Alex Mercer has never been high, but he was sure this feeling was pretty close.)

Except people do stupid things when they’re high. Or at least that’s what Alex used as justification for just about the stupidest decision of his life; coming out to his mother.

It’s not like he didn’t think it through. His father was a lost cause and while they were probably the safest bet, Alex was terrified of telling his siblings—maybe because deep down they were the ones whose opinion actually mattered to him. So, that left his mom. His mom, who never sneered at the word _homosexual_ like his father did, but who also never showed any support either. She was a blank slate and Alex thought that maybe, _maybe_ that meant she would be okay with him.

Yeah, people get really fucking stupid when they’re high.

He had it all planned out perfectly. It was a Friday afternoon. His father was at work, his siblings gone, and it was just Alex and his mom in the kitchen. But as was previously established, the world is a fucking miserable place and things just never go the way they should.

His father was indeed at work, until the fire alarm went off, that is, and everyone got sent home early, just in time to walk in on Alex saying he liked men to his mother, who had an unreadable expression on her face.

He expected screaming, yelling, maybe even punching.

He did not expect total silence, broken only moments later by his father storming up to them and hissing in his mother’s ear: “I fucking told you so.” He spat the words out like venom and didn’t spare Alex a single look before leaving the kitchen and slamming the door behind him.

Alex felt numb. The world was moving in slow motion. He was hoping his mother would reach across the table to hold his hand, now that his father was gone. He was hoping she would take his hand and squeeze it gently like moms _do_ and tell him she loved him no matter what.

She didn’t even look at him before she left.

Alex spent that weekend at Luke’s place, crying into his friend’s shoulder until he was too exhausted to cry anymore, until there was nothing left inside of him. But life likes to kick you when you’re down and when they got to school on Monday, Alex was immediately met with disgusted glares and slurs and shoves. Each of them directed at him, only him.

Everyone knew.

Alex didn’t know how the word spread. It might’ve been his mother crying to her book club or his father drunkenly complaining to his colleagues while getting after-work drinks. Hell, it might’ve been Bethany from next door who was always snooping around for the latest gossip, it didn’t fucking matter. Everyone knew that Alex Mercer was gay and something inside him just snapped.

The spark Alex felt inside him, one that started shining so much brighter after he opened up to his friends, faded again. The weight he was carrying for so long was gone, but he still felt heavy. He felt his heart beating, but he didn’t feel alive. He moved on autopilot. He went to school, he ate, he went home, he slept. Lather, rinse, repeat.

_Wrong, bad, disgusting._

Luke and Reggie noticed, of course they did, and they tried their best. At any given moment they were by his side, and while no one dared touch Alex because they didn’t want to deal with an overly-protective Luke Patterson—who was definitely showing off his arms more than usual—and Reggie Peters’ steel-toed boots, they still yelled out slurs, and names, and insults, and his friends were no longer laughing loud enough to drown them out.

_Wrong. Bad. Disgusting._

Alex wasn’t sure how long it’s been, it could’ve been days, it could’ve been weeks. Time was a blur and Alex wanted nothing more than to just fade into it. He was tired, he felt empty, he couldn’t _breathe,_ and he no longer had a refuge to hide out in. His home turned into a hostile, cold place where Alex seemed to vanish into thin air, no longer a son but rather a blemish on the pristine image of the Mercer family. He barely existed to them, an unspoken truth that weaved itself around his throat tighter and tighter every day, though Alex would give anything for that to be the case at school where he seemed to exist too much, too visible, too easy of a target.

And as for his two best friends, well...

He started avoiding them. Or maybe Luke and Reggie started avoiding him, who knew. It didn’t matter, nothing did anymore. The slurs were just white noise, the punches passed through him like he was a ghost, the silence at home ripped his heart apart over and over again but Alex was numb to it all. He was fading and maybe if he waited just a little bit longer, he would disappear completely. Maybe then he would finally be free.

It was the end of another miserable day and Alex wanted nothing more than to just leave. Grab his stuff, walk out the door and keep walking until his feet bled, until he lost all feeling in his body and the woven rope of hostility and resentment finally tightened its grip around his neck all the way and ended his pathetic excuse for an existence.

Alex wanted nothing more as he made his way towards his locker, where his plans were shattered in an instant by a small note stuck to the locker door.

_Band practice today? L+R_

Alex blinked slowly as he reread the note, again and again, carefully reaching up to run his shaking fingers over the jagged edges of the small piece of paper undoubtedly ripped up from Luke’s journal. The note was in Reggie’s handwriting, though there was a small piece of text crossed out in the top left corner where Luke evidently tried to write the note first. Alex felt the corner of his mouth twitch up inadvertently. _Luke’s handwriting was so shitty_.

His eyes scanned the note one more time and this time he noticed the tiny doodles lining the bottom of the paper. The first one was a small heart, and it was crooked as shit. Alex instantly knew Luke drew that one. Then there was a couple of stars and a tiny little cowboy hat, which had to have been drawn by Reggie. The rest was a mish-mash of musical notes and random squiggles, but the largest one of the doodles was a drum stick near the right side of the paper and Alex’s breath hitched in his throat when he saw it. He ran his finger tenderly over the little drawing, terrified of accidentally smudging the ink and ruining it. A lone tear escaped the pools forming in his eyes and slithered down his cheek.

Alex wanted nothing more than to disappear so why his feet carried him over to the studio, he didn’t understand. But he was there and too tired to turn around and leave, so he hung his head in resignation and pushed open the heavy doors.

Luke and Reggie were already inside, huddled around the small coffee table they pulled out of a dumpster a few months ago, with their acoustic guitars in their laps, talking quietly. They both looked up at Alex when he stepped into the studio, hands shoved in the pockets of his denim jacket. Neither of them said anything, but he could tell Luke was biting his tongue. Alex eventually gave them a little nod as a greeting and turned to go sit behind his drums which were untouched for so long, but he was stopped abruptly by Reggie’s hand on his arm. Alex gave him a puzzled look, but the bassist simply smiled at him and led Alex over to the coffee table where Luke was waiting, plucking at the strings of his guitar absent-mindedly.

Still confused, Alex took the only remaining free seat—an ugly but incredibly comfortable armchair from the 70s they found at a yard sale and have been fighting over ever since—and wrapped his arms around himself protectively before looking up at his bandmates. They were both smiling at him, but Alex could tell they were nervous by the way they kept glancing at one another and down at the table. There was a bunch of papers spread out all over it. Lyrics _,_ Alex realized. He let out a deep sigh as he let his head fall back against the headrest, his eyes falling shut.

“If you wanted to kick me out of the band you could’ve just put that on the note, y’know…”

The words were rolling out of his mouth before he even had the chance to think about them and he knew there was bitterness in his voice, but it’s not like it mattered. Why else would they bring him here after Alex hadn’t spoken to them in so long, after he’d missed too many rehearsals to count? Why else would they let him take the comfortable chair? Why else would they be writing songs without him? Clearly, they were done with him and Alex didn’t blame them, though he was a little annoyed that they dragged him out all the way here just to tell him to pack his shit up.

The room was quiet, and Alex allowed himself to enjoy the silence for once. If he kept his eyes closed and didn’t say anything, he could pretend they were just hanging out, chilling after a particularly good session. If he kept his eyes closed, he could pretend it was all just a bad dream.

Except he couldn’t keep his eyes closed because this was real life, and he knew he had to face his friends eventually. So, with another heavy sigh, he opened his eyes and glanced over at Luke and Reggie, who were staring at him like two kicked puppies on the side of the road.

“Alex, that’s… not why we asked you to come,” Reggie spoke softly with a kind but worried expression on his face, though there was more to it under the surface. Alex could always tell, even if he could never read Reggie well enough to figure out what that _more_ was. The boy learned to wear a mask and he was damn good at it. Unlike Luke, who was like an open book. Alex could practically hear the thoughts rushing through his head at that moment. He had a frown on his face, but it wasn’t an angry one. He looked sad, disappointed, guilty even—a stark contrast to his usual happy sunshine self. The stupid grin only Luke Patterson could pull off was not present. Instead, his lips were pressed together tightly, and his eyes were hazy and unfocused.

“How could you even think that?”

The way Luke’s voice trembled caught Alex off guard. Suddenly, he had a pair of desperate hazel eyes staring at him. They were filled with tears and Alex could feel his heart breaking at that sight. Luke looked like he was in so much pain and Alex wanted to smack himself for hurting his best friend like that. He wanted to apologize, for everything, and get out of there as fast as he could but then Luke took his hands into his own and Reggie’s hand was suddenly on his knee and Alex’s mind went blank.

 _What_ — _?_

Luke shook his head slightly, forcing his tears to go away, and took a moment to steady his voice before speaking again.

“We… we know how much you’ve been struggling lately, and we didn’t know how to help you,” Luke said quietly, his voice breaking at the word _help_ which Reggie took as a sign to continue.

“We wanted to give you space because we thought that’s what you wanted and needed, but clearly we were wrong, and… we’re really sorry, Alex.”

Alex could scream. _They_ were apologizing to _him_? He stared at the two of them in disbelief as Luke drew in a shaky breath and spoke again.

“We’re so sorry, dude, we should’ve been there for you.” He went quiet again for a moment as he thought about what he wanted to say next, still holding onto Alex’s hands, covering them with his own like he was trying to protect them.

“I uh… I know things are really shitty right now, but we are so proud of you, Alex.”

His words hit Alex like a ton of bricks. What the hell was happening? What was Luke saying? Why weren’t they screaming at him?

As his brain struggled to process the situation, Alex could feel his hands begin to shake and his leg started bouncing uncontrollably. His vision got blurry, and everything seemed too distant as his chest tightened and he gasped for air, but before he could lose himself too much in the panic, Luke was squeezing his hands and Reggie was gently pressing down on his bouncing knee and he could hear their distorted voices from somewhere far away, reminding him to breathe and that he was okay.

Because of course they knew what might happen, they knew _him,_ and Alex could scream if his body stopped freaking out over his friends still loving him.

\---

When he did finally calm down, Luke and Reggie instinctively let go of him because they knew he didn’t want to be touched at that moment and settled back into their respective chairs. Alex curled in on himself and kept his head low, but he knew _they_ knew he was listening.

Reggie spoke first.

“We mean it, Alex. We are so proud of you.”

Alex bit his lip as he stared at the floor but didn’t say anything. He didn’t dare.

“Yeah, dude, I mean you’re always thinking about the worst possible scenario in every situation and, like, I know it’s awful but right now, this _is_ the worst possible scenario and look at you, you’re still here,” continued Luke and Alex could hear that stupid grin of his appearing on his face as the guitarist grew more confident with his words. He looked up to confirm his suspicion and was met with two loving, supportive smiles. He studied them for a while. There was something eager behind their eyes now, like they were excited to be telling Alex this and the drummer knew it would break their hearts if he told them how much he wished he _wasn’t_ here just this morning. So, he didn’t say anything but apparently, he didn’t need to.

“I know what you’re thinking, Alex, but clearly a part of you wants to be here and that matters,” Reggie spoke with a strange amount of determination and Alex could tell he was letting his mask down a little. He didn’t question how Reggie knew. “And like Luke said, dude, this is the worst-case scenario but there’s good in it too. I know it sucks that everyone knows, but that just means you don’t have to hide anymore, doesn’t it?”

Reggie offered him an encouraging smile as he finished and all Alex could do was stare, his mouth hanging slightly open. Before he had a chance to overthink, though, Luke took over and continued.

“Yeah, man. And since we’ve already established that this is the worst, it couldn’t possibly get worse whatever you do. You told us about the weight lifting off your shoulders and, like, that’s not coming back. You’re free, Alex. Finally,” as the last words left his lips, Luke shot a grin at Reggie who rolled his eyes in response, though he was smiling as well.

Alex continued to stare in confusion. His eyes darted down to the papers on the table and then back at the guys who were now shuffling around with their guitars, settling them in place.

_They didn’t._

“And because we really wanted to hammer it home and get it through that thick skull of yours, we, um… wrote this for you,” Reggie grinned as Luke played the opening chords next to him.

“It’s called _Finally Free_.”

Idiots.

_Hearts on fire,  
We’re no liars, so we say what we wanna say_

Sang Luke with that dumb, stupid grin on his face, his eyes glued on Alex. Then Reggie took over, smiling at Alex fondly.

_I’m awakened, no more faking  
_ _So we push all our fears away_

Idiots, idiots, stupid dumb fucking idiots.

_Don’t know if I’ll make it cause I’m falling under  
_ _Close my eyes and feel my chest beating like thunder_

Luke joined in again with a quiet little harmony and his eyes shone the way they always did when they played music, though right now they seemed to be sparkling as Luke sang the words they wrote for _Alex_ , who definitely did not deserve these two.

_I wanna fly  
_ _Come alive  
_ _Watch me shine_

There was a little pause where Luke and Reggie shared a look before the bassist started tapping the body of his acoustic in a drumroll-like fashion and next to him, Luke was strumming excitedly as if to announce the arrival of the chorus. Alex actually snorted out a laugh at that, which seemed to be the reaction his bandmates wanted as they grinned at him, then each other, and finally broke out into the chorus.

_I got a spark in me  
_ _Hands up if you can see  
_ _And you’re a part of me  
_ _Hands up if you’re with me  
_ _Now ‘til eternity  
_ _Hands up if you believe  
_ _Been so long and now we’re finally free_

It was cheesy. It was so fucking cheesy and yet Alex had tears in his eyes as he listened to his friends and tried his best to take their message in because he could see they meant every single word.

_We’re all bright now  
What a sight now  
Coming out like we’re fireworks_  
  


Luke started the next verse and the way he and Reggie beamed at him when the guitarist sang the words “coming out” made Alex audibly groan, _they were so stupid—_

  
_Marching on proud  
Turn it up loud  
Cause now we know what we’re worth_  
  


Reggie was the one to finish the verse and Alex could see blush spreading over his cheeks as he sang. There was a fondness to Reggie’s voice that they haven’t heard in a long time and it made his heart flutter.

  
_We know we can make it  
We’re not falling down under  
Close my eyes and feel my chest  
Beating like thunder  
  
I wanna fly  
Come alive  
Watch me shine_

The boys joined forces again as they built up towards the next chorus, Luke bouncing in his seat excitedly as they sang. Alex noticed his own foot tapping along to the beat but made no effort to stop it. The words his friends were singing to him had started creeping their way into his brain, forcing Alex to confront and analyze them.

There was nothing but love.

Behind each word, each phrase, all he could find was just Luke and Reggie’s love for _him_. Their support, their affection, their promise of a better tomorrow and staying by his side no matter what. Even when Alex was being an idiot, doubting himself, doubting them, they would stand by him no matter what. They would always find a way to relight that spark inside him because they loved him and that’s what real love is.

Unconditional, unforgiving, unbreakable.

They weren’t just friends, they weren’t just brothers, just family, they were a part of Alex. Each of them a piece of his fragmented soul. They were the air in his lungs, the blood in his veins, the beat of his heart. They’d always fix Alex when he was broken and build him back up when he fell apart.

His cheeks were glistening with tears, but Alex made no move to wipe them away.

As he listened to the boys belt out another chorus, he felt the crushing weight of the world lifting off him once again. The haze fogging his mind slowly disappeared and Alex could finally, _finally_ , for the first time in God knows how long, breathe.

Because the world was still a fucking miserable place, but not here, not with _them_.

His train of thoughts was interrupted by none other than Luke Patterson, who had somehow made his way around the coffee table and was kneeling in front of Alex with that stupid dumbass grin on his face. When Alex met his eyes, he could see they were sparkling, bursting with stars.

“ _I got a spark in me_ ,” Luke’s eyes never left his as he sang slowly, intently.

“ _I got a spark in me_ ,” repeated Reggie from behind Luke. He was also grinning an idiot, but Alex had decided a long time ago that Reggie’s idiot grin was at least endearing, unlike _someone_ _else_ ’s.

“ _And you’re a part of me_ ,” continued said _someone_ , and took Alex’s hand into his own, squeezing it lightly.

The drummer raised an eyebrow questioningly and turned to Reggie again, who fucking winked at him as he echoed the line: “ _And you’re a part of me_.”

He didn’t have enough time to process that, though, because Luke was suddenly right in his face as he sang the next line, and he could hear Reggie’s excited strumming as the bassist repeated the line once more, yelling it out more than singing: “ _Now ‘til eternity!_ ”

Alex sighed softly and with the tiniest of smiles on his lips, he let his head fall back against the chair again, eyes fluttering shut as he braced himself for another round of choruses, but nothing came.

He lifted his head and blinked up at his two bandmates in confusion.

They were both staring at him expectantly. Like they were waiting for _Alex_ to do something.

What?

No.

They were waiting for him to finish the line.

Those idiots.

Those dumb, stupid, cheesy, sappy, lovable idiots—

Alex could scream.

And so he did.

“ _Been so long and now I’m finally free!_ ”

Alex leapt up from his seat as he yelled out the line, completely off-pitch and out of tune but it didn’t matter because his friends were idiots, and they were right. He was finally fucking _free_.

The boys were on their feet in an instant and broke into the last chorus, all of them jumping and dancing around the studio like actual children. Alex joined in on the singing even though he was absolutely butchering the lyrics and harmonies, but he didn’t care.

The song didn’t fix homophobia, there would still be bigots and assholes out on the street and lining the school halls the next day and the days after. His parents would continue to treat him like he was just an inconvenience. But Luke and Reggie were right. There was nothing worse they could do.

Had Alex not been riddled with anxiety down to the bone, he could walk into school the following day and pull the nearest guy into a kiss because what could they do? Call him names? Shove him into the lockers? Punch him in the gut? All that was getting pretty stale. The thought alone made Alex snicker and as he continued to dance around the studio with his two best friends, he could feel the corners of his lips lifting up into a smile. One that quickly turned into a grin and soon, Alex was absolutely beaming while singing along. His eyes started pricking with tears once again, but this time all three of them knew they were tears of pure joy.

Because the world was indeed a miserable place, but Alex has survived in it long enough to learn how to tune it out. He had Luke Patterson to scream into his ear about music and Reggie Peters to yell into the other about Star Wars.

He had his drums and their music and now, he had his pride.

The spark buried deep inside him, hidden away for so long, was glowing brighter than ever and Alex finally allowed its light to shine through to the surface for everyone to see.

The setting sun was shining in through the windows, covering the studio in warm shades of orange and crimson red, and as the last notes of the song faded, Alex allowed himself to exhale.

He was safe.

He was loved.

He was _finally free_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading this beast of a story. I know it's not easy to get through so if you did, you are amazing and I love you. <3
> 
> Oh, and if you'd like to see the note Luke and Reggie left Alex, [click here.](https://64.media.tumblr.com/595d9bcf814df5741c8f7be8b8a19497/87adb88539142fda-78/s500x750/3b75602c6529060ec1e1ef1697d7039f3657a0ec.png)


End file.
